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Question time

Tomorrow is my next consultation with my maternal/fetal medicine doctor.  I haven't spoken with her since I got the diganosis of Factor V Leiden, and I'm eager to revisit our earlier questions in light of the information now at hand.  Please let me know if you think I'm missing anything important.

  1. With treatment, what outcome do you see most frequently for women with Factor V Leiden?

  2. ...women with FVL and a history of HELLP?

  3. ...women with FVL, a history of HELLP, and a prior premature birth?

  4. ...women with FVL, a history of HELLP, a prior premature birth, and infertility?

  5. Biscuit ...women with FVL, a history of HELLP, a prior premature birth, infertility, and a speaking voice that calls to mind nothing so much as a warm, golden slide of honey dripping down the steaming buttered surface of a homemade buttermilk biscuit?

  6. Am I annoying you yet?  Okay, just checking.

  7. Now that we know I have FVL and can make a treatment plan, would you care to revise your assessment of my risk of a premature birth?

  8. How about your assessment of my risk of pre-eclampsia and/or HELLP?  Because, doctor, not to put too fine a point on it, I thought those numbers sucked.

  9. Hey, where are your numbers coming from, anyway?  Choose one:

    1. a thorough review of the current medical literature
    2. the entirety of your long and varied experience
    3. the deepest recesses of your illustrious accredited ass

  10. Are HELLP and pre-eclampsia often associated with FVL?  Does having FVL raise my risk of developing either?

  11. Would losing more weight significantly improve my chance of a good outcome?

  12. Do I need to go on the gestational diabetes diet before pregnancy?

  13. Hahahaha, you're funny.  Seriously, now: do I need to go on the gestational diabetes diet bef...oh, you were serious?

  14. Let's talk previa.  Given that several of the risk factors — previous C-section, IVF, D&Cs, and advanced maternal age — now pertain, how worried should I be?

  15. Great.  "Like lightning striking in the same place twice"?  Thanks a lot for jinxing me, doctor.

  16. What happens if I get a blood clot during pregnancy?  I bet that's no big deal, huh?

  17. What would you say the chances are that I'd be on bed rest for any length of time?

  18. Assuming I got that far, what would my late pregnancy look like in terms of monitoring?

  19. What can that monitoring tell us?  And what might it miss?

  20. With my dazzling array of potential complications in mind, short of, um, dying, either in utero or soon after birth, what are the risks to a fetus?

  21. But none of that will happen, right?

  22. Promise?

  23. Am I creeping you out?

  24. Not even a little?

  25. [Turning upper eyelids inside out.]  Yeah, well, how 'bout now?  [Spooky noises.]  WooooOOOOooo!