« Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner | Main | Uterus: empty. Death ray: charging. »


Wanted: new best friend

Today I was talking on the phone to my best friend. (How second grade is it that I actually have a "best friend"?) I was telling her we were planning a trip to New York to talk to some other doctors. The following is a faithful transcription of the remainder of the conversation.

Friend: Well, at least while you're down there you can go get a good haircut and have a decent meal!

Julie: Nah, I think we're just going to zip in and out. The day's festivities will include a thorough vaginal reaming, so I'm pretty sure my hairdo will be the least of my concerns.

Friend: Are you kidding? Listen, it's like having sex during ovulation: If you're going to be doing it anyway, you might as well have fun while you're there!

Julie: [shocked pause] Uh, so, um, how many times have you had sex during ovulation for the express purpose of baby-making?

Friend: Well... [embarrassed pause] Twice.

[She has two children. You do the math.]

Julie: So let's assume it's fun twice. Hold on a second while I crunch the numbers... Okay. I have had sex during ovulation approximately...120 times. That's not counting the months I was too depressed to try at all. And I admit it: the first two times were fun. It's the last 118 that sucked.

My friend suddenly remembered something she had to go do and got off the phone with indecent haste and obvious relief.

It must be awful to be my best friend.